Weight loss and other stuff

I have been on a weightloss journey since December of last year and I am planning to write a blog about what worked, what didn't, etc. But today a comment by my dear mother made me think that I need to put this down because it is important.

Body shaming is a casual occurance in my household. It comes as easy as breathing to people who feel that providing such comments is motivating. I know that it is the same in most Indian families where the expectation is to look a certain way despite eating food which doesn't really suit your nutritional goals.

I suffer with body dysmorphia, it is a horrible to not be comfortable in your own skin, I am sure some of you can relate to wearing clothes which are overly baggy, wear sweaters or hoodies in sweltering heat.

When I was much younger and dumber I did stupid things to get lean or get muscular because I thought it would make me seem more attractive. It is super shallow, but when you feel like an ugly duckling all your life you will take whatever motivation you can get. So I did things like OMAD (a diet where you eat your required calories in one sitting for one meal and then fast for the rest of the 23 hours), Keto, intermittent fasting, etc.

All of this didn't really address the core issues which I had which was a deep depression (yay). I sought comfort in binge eating and hence the weight gain. I would definitely lose weight with the diet but it would not be sustainable and I would be back to my usual habits within a few months.

Now that I have the vocabulary for my eating habits and I know my behaviours I am able to manage my weight. I intend to follow this for the rest of my life.

This gets me to the crux of why I made this post. Today evening after dinner my mother made a comment saying that while she can see that I have lost weight, she wishes that I had a flat stomach with the X shape physique.

If I was younger and not as well adjusted I would take that comment to heart and it would ruin my night, but since being well regulated I decided to tell her that there are other markers of progress which will definitely not show up on my body, and expecting me to look like someone she watches drop lies and misinfo on youtube is super unrealistic.

Seriously I have no idea why so many celebritries in India have a difficult time admitting that they go to the gym every day, take whey protein, creatine and steroids or have gone under the knife to look a certain way. It would really take the pressure off young women and men.

I am not sure which person has spread the misinfo about how drinking whey protein and creatine causes kidney failures or heart attacks but I have heard this story a hundred times from people who don't know any better but won't admit it (there is always some distant relative who has a friend who has a son who dropped dead in gym with whey protein dribbling out of his mouth and his heart exploded or whatever fearmongering they need to at that moment).

Watch any Indian celeb get asked about anything to do with protein or their fitness and you will see them basically get stunlocked like a deer in headlights before the programming in their heads takes over for their interviews where they will always extol the virtues of daal, chawal and ghee (obviously to seem relatable to the working class people while throwing away food casually which would probably bankrupt most households), meanwhile I can see that they are dropping some serious currency on TRT and HGH to stay that built in their 50s to 60s.

Necessity of Alternative Markers of progress

If you are struggling with your weight I know firsthand the true, unbridled self hatred while looking at yourself in the mirror and avoiding taking pictures. I am there with you and it sucks. I don't have pictures of myself from some of the worst years of my life which is also a blessing in disguise so silver lining I guess.

If you are putting in the effort to go to the gym or thinking about it, you will need a baseline that is not just how wide your waist is or how you look in the nude.

Here is the homework assignment for this one (A first for this blog for sure):

• Write down your current weight in a diary.

• Do a plank and a start a timer and see how long you last. If a plain plank is difficult do a side plank. If you feel like your knees are buckling then just do the plank with your knees touching the ground. It's about establishing the baseline. note down the time and what type of plank you did.

• Do a pushup, see how many you can do, again if you have trouble make it as easy as you need to. Start with a wall pushup if you have to. Note that shit down same as above.

• Lot of people struggle with pullups, see if you can do one, if you can't just run a timer and see how long you can do a deadhang. Note it down.

If you are going to the gym by the end of the month I can gurantee that the values you have written down will increase even marginally, If you can't do a pushup at all, you will be doing at least one knee pushup by the end of the month, if you have a 10 second dead hang it will go up to 30, and so on and so forth and what have you.

It is obvious, but it needs to be said because when you are deep in self hatred and self doubt you will need to turn to these things. The goal can be to look a certain way, but the progress to a goal weight is never linear and sometimes the weighing scale is not the whole story.

But whatever progress that you make can be measured and that is as simple as just doing things your body was never capable of doing before.

I completed a 15 km run today, back in December I would get winded by a walk. I was fighting and I was strong but I had no gas tank and now I do.

That does not show up on my body, neither does the 100 kg deadlift I did to check what my max deadlift was. I was not able to do even a single pullup back in December because I was a thick boy and it's significantly harder thing to pull up a 100 kg person compared to 85 and now I can do 10 easily.

These are markers of progress, some person who doesn't know me can easily think that I am out of shape or look like a bloated homunculus who should be locked inside a dark room with the key lost, and that's not true. Opinions are like assholes everyone has one, and indian familes love giving unsolicited opinions for free.

A marker of progress can also be decreasing the amount of times you are eating unhealthy food at restaurants. That can mean eliminating or decreasing eating outside as much or altogether or choosing to eat healthier food. It can be just going on a hike with friends when you felt exhausted after a short walk.

Conclusion

It is easy to have self-hatred and getting out of it is difficult. Have markers which you can celebrate, because that positive feedback makes a difference in showing up to the gym, to work, even showing up in relationships (your cat will hiss at you initially, but with some time and treats it will be purring on your lap by the end of the month)

Obvious stuff but it's better than being stuck at the bottom of a hole.